10 Ways to spice up your Valentine’s Day

EMBRACE you inner oyster.

Purchase a giant shell and shiny cat suit on Ebay and watch hours of oyster videos on Youtube. After this intense rehearsal of method acting assume a pearl-like shape inside the oyster and become aphrodisiac you always knew you could be.

With enough time and commitment, this could be you.

With enough time and commitment, this could be you.

Hot Chillies

Spice up your love life! Capsaicin is a chemical found in chillies that increases circulation and stimulates blood flow,  but with effects like these why would you want to limit your intake to just food? You could ask your significant other to bathe in them, wear them as a blanket, or put them in your shoes to you stay spicy wherever you go.

Try something new in the bedroom

Pull out that jar of bees you’ve had lying around and bring a bit of buzz to your evening. Yes, your partner may get stung but remember Bee Movie is the romantic comedy of the century.Kris Fricke Beebusters

Conspiracy discussion and chill

Now is the time to find out if the moon landings were fake, and was your partner involved? You’ve always wondered but now you’ll know. While you’re on the subject ask if Steve Avery really is a murderer.

Watch Deadpool repeatedly for 24 hours

Your relationship will be better for the prolonged amount of time spent staring at Ryan Reynolds’ spandex clad bum.

Have some alone time

Don’t feel guilty about chaining your housemates up if it’s only for one night.

Whisper sweet nothings

Let your partner know just how much you love them by telling them sweet things such as “you are not the witch I once thought you were”, “The tongue on a giant anteater can protrude more than 2 feet” and “There’s a very slim chance one day we won’t be haunted by this crippling student debt”.

Buy flowers

Trek deep into the heart of the Sumatran rainforest, procure that rotting flesh scented flower otherwise known as the Stinking Corpse Lily and gift it to your loved one on February 14th. Your partner will appreciate the great lengths you went to as well as the uniqueness of the flower.

Make a grand gesture

The mafia used to leave severed horse heads in their victims heads; give it a personal touch and make it someone they know. It will be a Valentines they never forget.

This year, spare a thought for Chestnut and make it special. Go for the loved ones.

This year, spare a thought for Chestnut and make it special. Go for the loved ones.

Take them out on a mystery date

Show them all the best sights of Aberystwyth. Start with Yoko’s the morning after, your partner will be blown away by the VK covered floors and the overpowering smell of regret. Next, you want mosey along to the greatest spectacle in Aberystwyth, the one escalator. You will have hours of fun on these mechanical stairs, they’re basically a free Alton Towers. To end this perfect romantic day return to your room of bees and try to name each and every one of them.