A foolproof guide to dating in Aber

Aber ValentinesDID YOU KNOW Valentine’s Day is/was soon/today/recently (delete as appropriate readers)? You probably did. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for years or you’ve just become Facebook Official (totes congrats btw), dating in Aberystwyth is fraught with danger, intrigue, and suspense. For those of you hoping to seal a deal on Sunday, we’ve got some tips for you too but we can’t do all the work; it’s up to you if you wake up the next morning with who you want. Best of luck though!

In a town where everyone knows everyone and nothing is more than 15 minutes away, it can be hard to whip up some romance. Fortunately we at ASM are here with literally some bits of advice to best tell your significant other you’re a keeper:

  • DO make a reservation. Well in advance. A nice meal is a classic with good reason, and there are a lot of restaurants in Aber, but you’ll be fighting against the rest of town for a romantic dinner for two.
  • DON’T take them to a takeaway. Ordering takeaway and having a night in; not a bad plan. Walking arm in arm for a candlelit Sam’s; a bad plan.
  • DO dress to impress. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, if you’re doing something you can make the effort. It doesn’t have to be a suit & tie or ball gown, just look sharp for the occasion. If you know where the evening is headed, why not lay out your best jim-jams? You look great in them and people should know.
  • DON’T draw unnecessary attention. Yeah, you can do the worm, but Irie’s is small and you’ve kicked that guy’s risotto off the table. Yeah, you can quote Hamlet, but you’re in Pier, everyone thinks you’re a tool. And why were you carrying a skull?
  • DO get creative. Interesting dates make for an interesting time. Get on the Vale of Rheidol and go to Devil’s Bridge. Like some bracing wind? Walk to Borth. Don’t like some bracing wind? Get the train to the Animalarium (but never ask why they can’t call it a zoo).
  • DO your research. If you know what each other want to do on the day, then (stick with me here) do that. If you know what the other person likes, then you can surprise them!
  • DON’T stalk them from the bushes. Find out about each other by talking. Or texting. Or reading into the subtext of your flanter. Don’t watch them from afar, staring mournfully. Don’t strain your legs squatting in the bush by their flat. Just chill out.
  • DO be confident. If you’re taking someone out, this is the time to flaunt your best qualities. It doesn’t have to be flashy or convoluted, just play to your strengths and play it cool. Failing that, fake it ’til you make it.
  • DON’T get cocky. Much like not drawing unwanted attention. If things are going well, don’t get carried away. A walrus impression with breadsticks is not going to get funnier as the night goes on. You’re dribbling, they’re soggy, you’re alone: The classic three-step plan.

Other such classics include:

  • DON’T try “the naked man” if things seem like they’re going badly.
  • DON’T try anything you found on the internet without reading a health and safety warning.
  • DON’T get carried away when biting at edible underwear.
  • DON’T point out any previous sexual conquests you see.
  • DON’T be the drunkest, especially if you organised this.
  • DO turn up on time. Nothing more arousing than punctuality.
  • DO carry mints. Do not substitute with toothpaste.

And most importantly, have fun with it! Go get’em champ!