Goat Simulator: Humanity’s greatest invention?

goat-sim-515x289IF YOU’RE like me then you probably stay awake at night just thinking about how life dealt you a poor hand when you weren’t born a goat. I mean, sure, I’ve always considered becoming a goat but, sadly, there is one major problem with that; I don’t process the ability to grow a goatee. Luckily there now exists a 2nd option, the next best thing for us unfortunate non-goatee growing people: Goat Simulator! Yes, Goat Simulator!

The story is vast and beautiful but generally it goes like this: You are a goat.

As a goat you are free to roam the wild, eat grass and destroy everything in your path. You know, typical goat stuff. You start off in a field, surrounded by your goat friends as you learn the controls. Fairly straightforward: Move, jump, headbutt, rotate etc, but there is another feature where Goat Simulator truly redefines gameplay mechanics. This is when the bar for gameplay has been raised forever and future generations will look back and say, “That was when gaming changed.” Press 1 to BAAAA. I mean, my god, that is inspired. You are free to completely roam around and headbutt to your delight things ranging from people, cars and even explosive items, on top of exploring the environment and complete challenges like triple backflip and racking up points.

The map you start off with is surprisingly small and it’s also the only map the game provides you with. However fear not mere human non-goat people as this is where a great feature comes in to play. Goat Simulator has a Steam workshop available, meaning that players can create and download other creations from items, maps and even new goat designs! Although not many map downloads are available yet as it’s a new release, but with its popularity it can’t be long until the grass of user-generated content is grown from the soil of imagination.

There’s fun stuff to do other than destroy however; you can climb a crane only to jump down on to a trampoline. Perhaps you’d like to attach a baseball pitcher onto your back and fire baseballs at will? Explore a house in which a guy in sitting at a PC playing Goat Simulator, or, my personal favorite, you can find a TV which has the game ‘Flappy Goats’ for you to play, plus more stuff.
I love the realism of the game, the added little details. For example, as any goatlogist will tell you, goats have a unique ability of gaining satanic powers through the act of sacrifice and being recognised as king Supreme Lord Goat. The acquirement of demonic supernatural gifts is a nice touch, so what abilities do you gain? Well the surprise is half the fun.

Another cool feature is the ability to lick. I make use of it quite often but it’s also a feature on Goat Simulator, it acts at an attachment for objects to swing about for even more goat-related destruction. Combine this with the slow-mo button and you are in for an awesome time.

Currently on Steam for £6.99, it’s a fun way to kill a few hours or an excellent reward for finishing exams. I can’t help but feel that the price is a little high but if the user-generated content turns out to be a hoot then it should be worth it.

Fulfill your dreams and make sure to check out the workshop, if you excuse me, I can rest easy tonight.